The Very First Steps

Everything at Once

The whole concept of being a parent has always been a strange land to me and it's a place that I've always been unsure I wanted to be. To many people having children completes a home, completes a family. I know a lot of people who got married because the girl unexpectedly got knocked up and in the Philippines it is almost mandatory to get married if this is the case. I have nothing against this although I wouldn't particularly want to be in that kind of situation. I realised as I got older the reason behind this - I didn't particularly wish to be a mother. Let me just make one thing clear, I have nothing against children. The fact of the matter is I love children. They are the most fun and genuine people you will ever meet! I just did not want any of my own.

I suppose only time can really tell what you really want in your life. In my case it's my husband that changed my outloook in life and the what, the who and the where I want to be in the future. He was only 18 when we got married and I was 21 so having children wasin neither of our priorities. In fact we didn't talk about it once in the whole 5 years that we were married. We were just content enjoying each other's company and to be honest we were too busy growing up - as individuals and as a couple.

Until one day out of nowhere he told me he saw a little boy at a bus stop and it came to him that he is ready to have kids. I remember smiling not because I agree but because I was seeing a whole different side of my husband. He was growing up in front of my very eyes! I wasn't sure if he was just on a high after being offered a promotion at work.
A few months after that incident, James, our Golden Retriever Taz and I went for a hike with my mother-in-law and she revealed to us what would be the best thing I've heard in my life, after my husband's proposal of course. They are going to give James a portion of his inheritance to help us get into the property ladder before the house prices shoots up again. Soon after that we started searching and going to many house viewings. We were in no rush though, we wanted to find our perfect family home.

DECEMBER 2010
One night that winter I decided to stash what remained of my pill back to its box and buried it in my dresser drawer. (I had my Implanon taken out just 8 months after having it put in since it was giving me problems with my appetite and mood, so I went back on the pill since shots were completely out of the question for me)
I had one condition in my head if I was going to have a child. I have got to have something to give to the child to help him or her with the future. I know that if I die giving birth the child will be loved by my family - both the ones I have here in England and in the Philippines. He will have a father that will not abandon him and a dog that will keep him company. And if anything happens to me or James, God forbid, our child will have the house. But my ultimate reason for finally embracing the idea of being a parent is James! He has sacrificed a lot and he works ever so hard and never once complained about anything. He never really ask me for anything - but cakes and nice meals in :) - and I just knew he's going to be a great father.

January-February 2011
A new year and our 5th wedding anniversary came and along with it high hopes for a most exciting future. We found a great house and put in an offer which was rejected because apparently there was another couple who was bidding against us. Thankfully the other couple had to sell their own house first before they can buy and as first-time buyers, we have a huge advantage that proved to be massive indeed. They accepted our third offer and from there we got into the nitty gritty of things which seemed to take forever.
In the meantime Aunt Flow seemed to have forgotten to visit me at the end of the the month. I immediately got an early pregnancy test but got a negative result so I thought it's only the first month. But a week passed and still no sign of Aunt Flow so I got two more tests and still negative. My period has always been regular so I didn't understand why it hasn't come 2 weeks later. Alas a few days later I started feeling very sick so I got another test and it came back with a positive result.

March 2011
I am going to be honest I didn't really have time to celebrate the good news because my health went downhill from there on. I was throwing up all day and night. I could not keep my food down and all the foods that I used to love suddenly tasted bile to me - including KFC would you believe? I could barely get out of bed. I had a terrible sinusitis that never left me for the whole first trimester. I felt fatigue like I have never known it before. I felt hungry every 3 hours and would get awoken by the rumbling of my tummy in the middle of the night as if I don't wake up enough to go to the loo anyway. I don't know how I managed to get dressed for our first appointment with the midwife but somehow I did and I was told my EDD is 1.11.11
I felt worse the following week and I just knew something was wrong but couldn't exactly point a finger to it. A couple of days after my visit to the midwife I got a call from the GP and was told that I had contacted E Coli and I need to collect some antibiotics from the surgery. I was assured that it is nothing to worry about and my baby is fine.
I felt a little better after finishing the course of the antibiotics but not really much better. I don't think I would have survived that if James had not been a total sweetheart and looked after me like a baby. He did all the house chores and brought me home food and lots of fresh fruits every day. I think he kind of like the fact that for once he was able to sort of boss me around because normally he wouldn't dare.

first baby scan at 11 weeks


April 2011
My mother-in-law was very happy to let me know that she had found me a job at the castle cafeteria where she does wedding events as a part-time job. I felt really disappointed to hear a what would have been a great news had the circumstance been different. But what am I talking about? I had something bigger and obviously that job wasn't meant for me. God has bigger plans for me.
I didn't want to tell anybody until I'm on my second trimester but we had to let my in-laws know as the last thing I want them to think is I'm refusing a nice job with the English Heritage. To my surprise and James', his parents, especially his mother, was so chuffed to hear the news. She was so pleased and she expressed her excitement in texts, phone calls and calling round to bring me a cardi and my favourite Sainsbury's macademia and cashews nuts!

Fast forward to June 2011
We invited them for a barbi in our new house, 2 weeks after we moved in, for a little Father's Day lunch. I made dad a huge Black Forest Gateaux which he loved and we had a lovely day.
That same day, mum brought baby towels and apologised for not being able to help herself. She said she went to buy something completely different and saw the baby towels and bought them and forgot what she was there to buy in the first place. I felt really touched that already she is thinking about the baby. I feel really blessed that I will be giving at least 4 people the chance to feel happiness in its purest form and their excitement and love fuels my desire to live and eat healthy for my baby.
Two weeks later, I was due for my 20-week scan. We picked strawberries that morning with mum and we asked her if she could drop us off at the hospital. Coyly she asked if she can stay through the scan, "if you don't mind" I remember her saying (of course don't mind!) because I think she was excited to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. She had previously told me it doesn't matter what the baby's gender is as long as it's healthy but she would like a boy.
Ten minutes into the scan, after the important checks of the baby's vital organs, I asked the sonographer if she is able to tell me the gender of my baby. I remember the three of us - me, the sonographer and James - laughing because at that point the baby kept covering its privates with its tiny hands! I had to roll to my side to get the baby to move its hands away.




2o week scan

I never thought it was possible to love someone so much before you even see or hold them!