Foetal Movements @ 25 weeks

It doesn't look like strong kicks and punches but believe me they feel super strong. His favourite spots to kick are on my right side as shown on the video clip, my ribs just below my left breast and my bladder at night so basically he goes around like a clock. At times he keeps me awake at night but I don't mind, really. I would rather miss out on some sleep knowing he is healthy, alive and kicking in there than not feel him at all.

I have been super busy lately sourcing furnitures and decorations for the nursery so I haven't really had the time to write much on here even though I have so much to write about. As I enter my third trimester, I start to feel very anxious. I have so much in my head - from booking antenal classes, whether to do aquanatal exercises, make an appointment with my dentist, doing our birth plan, fear of the GTT results (glucose torelance test) to getting the nursery ready in case the baby comes sooner than expected. A lot of people seem to think I will give birth at 36 weeks including my mother-in-law. I just want to be ready when my son comes.


Fears of a First Time Mum

I'm not going to lie - I am scared as I enter my third trimester. In fact, I am absolutely terrified. There are many reasons behind my anxiety and fear but mainly I am scared to make mistakes. I have never really been scared to make mistakes. In fact I remember telling my mother when I was 14 that she should let me make my own mistakes because she was constantly telling me what I should do and who to be friends with. I didn't like it then being a teenager but later on I realised it was all for me.
All throughout my life I was never one to live life as if walking on eggshells. I never cared about what other people thought of me as long as I am not hurting them in any way then I just do what made me happy, because after all that is how life is meant to be lived. But ever since being pregnant I have constantly thought that I should not allow myself to make mistakes, for a tiny mistake could have such an impact on my son. I was never a perfectionist but I want life to be perfect for my little one. People say perfect does not exist, but to me perfect is like success - it is relative and yes it does exist, but it's neither continous nor constant. The thing is I want to make life for my son as perfect as possible and if I make a silly mistake and it had a massive impact on my son's life, I know I'd forever blame myself. I guess I can only try my best and pray that my best is good enough.

And then there is the fear of labour and delivery which I never really thought about until now! There is this award-winning documentary called One Born Every Minute that I used to watch before I even got pregnant and recently a US version of the show started airing. It's amusing to watch how they endorse epidural in the US version and in the UK, the midwives and nurses encourages the women to do natural birth.
At the moment I want to try natural birth because I have read about the short and long term side effects of the epidural drug to both the mother and the baby and I really wouldn't want to risk the health of my baby at any point if it's within my power to do so.
In 4 weeks time, I would need to make a birth plan with my midwife, Maggie. My pain threshold is low but as I said I can only try my best. I can't promise I am not going for the epidural but hopefully with prayers and James as my birthing partner I will be successful at the natural birth I am wanting for my son.

Last but not least of my fears is my fear of not being a good mother. I always thought myself not cut-out to be a mum hence I didn't really want to be one. But now I have this burning desire to be a good mother to my son. The big question is: HOW? I should start with LOVE. Yes, that's a good idea. Everything that I started with love always turned out well because love always bounces back to you and it bounces from all corners. I can only love you to start with, my little one and we shall see how it goes from there. I will always worry and fear for you, sure that's a given so forgive me if at times I would want to wrap you in a cotton wool and keep you there. I can't wait to welcome you to the world now but I can fore-see in a not-so-distant-future that I will wish you were back in the safety of my tummy where no one can hurt you without going through me first. You shall cure my fears in time.