Your First Christmas!

You Are The Cure

When I am too exhausted and frustrated at trying to figure out what you want and need especially in the wee hours of the morning, I take your mittens off. This is the only time I do this, because I panic when you make yourself bleed by scratching your face even after I have been brave enough to trim your tiny fingernails.

You are clean I have just changed your nappy. I know how you hate having the tiniest bit of poo sitting there for more than twenty minutes.
You are well-fed. You have just finished your 150ml of milk and then some from being latched on me. You are at your calmest when you are feeding straight from my breast.
You are neither too hot nor too cold. I always make sure to test your body temperature by touching your back and your chest and tummy. I also check our room temperature regularly to make sure the temperature is just right. I turn the heating on when it goes lower than 16degrees and I peel the extra fleece blanket off you if it gets any hotter than 20.

I don't mind your being too attached to me because to tell you the truth I wouldn't have it any other way. That is why we got the baby carrier so we can always be close to each other whilst my hands are still free to do some chores and eat because I tend to forget to do anything when I am just kept busy staring at your angelic face when I hold you in my arms. You don't like to be put down - not in your moses basket, not in your baby swing, not in your cot bed.

So forgive me if I sometimes get too exhausted from lack of sleep and bored for not having time to do anything fun for myself because your father is at work all day and a big chunk of the evening.
When I get to the point where I want to scream to the top of my lungs, I take your mitten off.

I lightly press my little finger against your tiny palm and let you wrap your little hand around my little finger. I let you squeeze as hard as you possibly can. For many reasons, this calms me down. It drowns the sound of your cry but most of all it drowns the frustration in my heart. I have been trusted with your precious life and I should not break that trust I was granted by God.

One day I hope you will do the same with my shaking and wrinkly hand.

A Poem I Especially Wrote For You, Son.

I Carried You, You Carry Me.

I carried you in me for quite some time
I told you stories and sang you many songs
I trusted you with secrets no one will ever know
I didn't need to see you to know how I love you so.

I carried your heart with me for quite some time
I realised you somehow knew you carried mine, too
I felt you grow stronger with each passing day I carried you
And I just know that you felt me grow stronger inside, too.

Today fate has decided it's time for us to meet
It's time for you to make our little family complete
You told me how grateful you are for all the months I carried you
With a shrill cry and a healthy heartbeat, you told me you love me too.

I cannot begin to tell you how much you've already taught me
You made me realise how much of a better person I can be
Throughout your life people will tell you to love me
Because I'm the person who was blessed to give you life
But my child, don't listen to a word they say and instead take it from me
Love me because your heart feels it and your mind agrees
and because you, my little fighter, is the one who gave life to me.

Due Week!!!!

Trustfund

James and I had a brief chat yesterday about setting up a trustfund for our son as soon as he is born. The fact that he brought it up makes me feel really secure -- for my Scott. I know that if something happens to me he will not be alone and he will not be without love. xXx

Mummy putting her feet up because you seem to weigh a ton! We're so excited to meet you!!!

Pasalubong ni Daddy

James had been bringing home cuddly toys for our little one over the past few months -- even before our little one is even out! Imagine what he would be like when he's actually here.
I was told he's still got the owl and piglet to complete the Winnie the Pooh collection :)

Your winter pram suit from Grandma Allen

My 27th and your 37th :)

Mummy turned 27 years old and you turned exactly 37 weeks! I am so pleased you are now considered a full-term baby and I was told at the hospital that if I go into labour anytime after this point, they won't try and stop it anymore like they would if it happened before the 37th week mark.

On our last visit to the midwife I learned that my bump measured 2cm larger than it should so I'm starting to get nervous about child birth again which I thought I've overcome through the past few months. Ah well as long as you're healthy I can't really complain. I just really want a natural birth because it is best for both you and I and daddy.

PS: It was grandma and grandpa who came with me at my last checkup because your dad had to go to work.

35 weeks and he's getting really heavy now

Large and in-charge

Negative!

My son and I are cleared of gestational diabetes! I'm so pleased to know that I won't have to do insulin shots. Phew! Thank God.

__________________________________________

A nice stranger bought me a PRO FlickR account subscription for a year. I'm really thankful that I can upload and share HD vids and photos of my son when he comes out in about 8 weeks' time. Happy days! xXx

GTT

I had my Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) this morning and I shall find out the result on Wednesday at the earliest. I had to stay at the hospital for nearly 3 hours so I really appreciate it that James took an extra day off work to come and keep me company. Fingers crossed I am negative for gestational diabetes. xXx

Foetal Movements @ 27 weeks

These are the gentlest kicks at the moment. Unfortunately he makes the huge waves in my tummy late at night between 1am-4am and big kicks again at 6-7am so I've been unable to film the exciting shapes he makes on my tummy when he is most active.

26 +3 weeks

Today I felt my son's elbow roll through my tummy for the first time! It was kind of freaky seeing that sharp peak rolling across my left side and it hurt for a second but the excitement over it trumps everything else. I can't wait to feel it again!

Getting the cotbed ready

Collage to be printed off and framed for the nursery

a First for Dad

Today, Daddy felt you for the first time. You gave 2 good kicks whilst his hand was on my tummy :) And then you quieted down as you always do when dad puts his hand over mum's tummy. His touch seems to soothe you even from the outside. xXx

Foetal Movements @ 25 weeks

It doesn't look like strong kicks and punches but believe me they feel super strong. His favourite spots to kick are on my right side as shown on the video clip, my ribs just below my left breast and my bladder at night so basically he goes around like a clock. At times he keeps me awake at night but I don't mind, really. I would rather miss out on some sleep knowing he is healthy, alive and kicking in there than not feel him at all.

I have been super busy lately sourcing furnitures and decorations for the nursery so I haven't really had the time to write much on here even though I have so much to write about. As I enter my third trimester, I start to feel very anxious. I have so much in my head - from booking antenal classes, whether to do aquanatal exercises, make an appointment with my dentist, doing our birth plan, fear of the GTT results (glucose torelance test) to getting the nursery ready in case the baby comes sooner than expected. A lot of people seem to think I will give birth at 36 weeks including my mother-in-law. I just want to be ready when my son comes.


Fears of a First Time Mum

I'm not going to lie - I am scared as I enter my third trimester. In fact, I am absolutely terrified. There are many reasons behind my anxiety and fear but mainly I am scared to make mistakes. I have never really been scared to make mistakes. In fact I remember telling my mother when I was 14 that she should let me make my own mistakes because she was constantly telling me what I should do and who to be friends with. I didn't like it then being a teenager but later on I realised it was all for me.
All throughout my life I was never one to live life as if walking on eggshells. I never cared about what other people thought of me as long as I am not hurting them in any way then I just do what made me happy, because after all that is how life is meant to be lived. But ever since being pregnant I have constantly thought that I should not allow myself to make mistakes, for a tiny mistake could have such an impact on my son. I was never a perfectionist but I want life to be perfect for my little one. People say perfect does not exist, but to me perfect is like success - it is relative and yes it does exist, but it's neither continous nor constant. The thing is I want to make life for my son as perfect as possible and if I make a silly mistake and it had a massive impact on my son's life, I know I'd forever blame myself. I guess I can only try my best and pray that my best is good enough.

And then there is the fear of labour and delivery which I never really thought about until now! There is this award-winning documentary called One Born Every Minute that I used to watch before I even got pregnant and recently a US version of the show started airing. It's amusing to watch how they endorse epidural in the US version and in the UK, the midwives and nurses encourages the women to do natural birth.
At the moment I want to try natural birth because I have read about the short and long term side effects of the epidural drug to both the mother and the baby and I really wouldn't want to risk the health of my baby at any point if it's within my power to do so.
In 4 weeks time, I would need to make a birth plan with my midwife, Maggie. My pain threshold is low but as I said I can only try my best. I can't promise I am not going for the epidural but hopefully with prayers and James as my birthing partner I will be successful at the natural birth I am wanting for my son.

Last but not least of my fears is my fear of not being a good mother. I always thought myself not cut-out to be a mum hence I didn't really want to be one. But now I have this burning desire to be a good mother to my son. The big question is: HOW? I should start with LOVE. Yes, that's a good idea. Everything that I started with love always turned out well because love always bounces back to you and it bounces from all corners. I can only love you to start with, my little one and we shall see how it goes from there. I will always worry and fear for you, sure that's a given so forgive me if at times I would want to wrap you in a cotton wool and keep you there. I can't wait to welcome you to the world now but I can fore-see in a not-so-distant-future that I will wish you were back in the safety of my tummy where no one can hurt you without going through me first. You shall cure my fears in time.

Lucky Number 38!

From a 34B to 38DD and waistline of 24 to 38!!! I still love you, son. You have not only cured mummy of her hypotension, low BMI, caffeine addiction, World of Warcraft addiction, crisps addiction... you also (very nearly) cured her of her vanity.

Seriously though, my priority now is the health of my baby and if it means I have to gain 50lbs then so be it. I just have to work hard to lose the baby weight if I care so much about it, which I do. Looking on the bright side there is no sign of any stretch marks anywhere - yet! Fingers crossed it stays that way. :) I have had a horrifying experience looking through images of google search result: pregnancy stretch marks . I currently am using Bio-Oil on my tummy which worked wonders on my legs. I know nothing prevents stretch marks as that is dependent on the elasticity of one's skin, but perhaps moisturising the area would help a tiny wee bit. I can hope, can't I? xXx

It feels good to feel you.

Sweetie, that's my ribs... Kick elsewhere please!

I'm nearly 25 weeks now and for the past 3 weeks I have been feeling my son move a lot which I love because it is a good sign that he is doing well in there. Soon I will be playing "guess what body part" with him!

I didn't know that babies in the womb get the hiccups and although it is a little bit freaky at the start, it is also endearing to feel it through my tummy. On the 24th week-mark, I have also felt him rolling over which creates waves in my stomach but he doesn't do it often enough for his dad to catch a glimpse of it. His kicks are strong and I can just imagine how much his power kicks will hurt in another 6 weeks time when he doesn't have much room in my womb anymore.

I feel wonderfully relieved that I have successfully reached the 6th month mark when my baby is now considered "viable". And although I have faith in the medical care and technology here, I hope he stays in there for as long as possible within the 40 weeks gestation period because he still has a lot of growing to do. He still needs to form layers of fat because he is going to need it! It's cute that my baby will be born in my favourite season of the year - Autumn.

I like to sing to my baby when I'm relaxing. I sit up or lay down propped up by several cushions and I put both hands on my tummy and sing to him. I gathered that it's not easy to sing when you're pregnant and constantly out of breath, but hey-ho, it's the only way I could really bond with my son at this point in time. :) Here's a song I've been singing to him for the past 5 months!





I was sorting out all the baby clothes we have been given so far and realised that we have enough newborn onesies for triplets, three times over! We have also started to buy nursery furnitures and accessories and hopefully start painting the room this weekend so when the rest of the furnitures gets delivered by the end of next week, I can start with the decoration. I don't really have an eye for interior decoration but I think I'll just follow my heart with this one. I also don't want to overspend because I would much rather have the money saved up for my son's future than on something he will only use for the first few months of his life. Thank God for a truly exciting and happy experience that He had blessed me with to share with my partner in life. I didn't think I wanted it but God always knew I did.

My Pregnancy Desktop seems to be stuck at 23 weeks...

A Project for Mum

When James and I started our search for a family home to call our very own, I initially said that all I want is a nice spacious garden for Taz and a large enough kitchen since I like to spend a lot of time in there. I imagined myself many times conducting a refurbishment of our new kitchen when we finally bought the house but obviously that has not happened and I'm afraid it's going to have to wait. My priorities have changed now that we have a little one on the way. There are still 8 rooms in our house that I want to decorate (9 if you count the study/computer room that I want to turn into a small library/play area) but hopefully, with God's help and His gift of time to me and James, we will have many many years together and plenty of time to turn this house exactly to our liking.

The Nursery


One of these bulky wardrobes is going (most probably in the loft).

This is basically the BEFORE in the B&A photos :)



First lot of carpet samples for the nursery.

Worry Not

Everything is welcome except for statement clothes like "I have the best mother in the world" or "My mum and dad loves me, and I love them too". I think I will wait until my son can say those things and mean them himself.

In this most precious stage of my life, I have felt nearly all sorts of emotions - sometimes all at once. Most of them are good but now and again I feel perturbed about things I know I shouldn't be bothered about. I am troubled by things that might go wrong, with my prgnancy and the birth of my child alike, although I have been told that there is nothing to worry about now especially after my 20 week-scan and seeing that all my baby's organs have developed quite well as they should. His limbs and measurements are all normal. Our Down Syndrome chance is 1 in 40,000. His breathing is normal and he is inhaling and swallowing amniotic fluid well. The most reassuring I suppose is that the past 2 weeks I have felt his strong movements in my tummy. It's kind of cute that his movements are most determined in the early mornings and in the evening when I'm just getting ready for bed. It's like he is saying "good morning" and "good night" to me. Shame his dad can't feel his kicks yet but I always tell him when the baby is moving so at least he feels involved.

In spite of all these reassuring aspects of my pregnancy I still do worry. I suppose it's normal to worry a little bit but thankfully I've been blessed with strong Faith and optimism that I am able to shake my worries aside before it becomes overpowering.
Perhaps it's because of the little remnants of worry left at the back of my mind that I still haven't thought about buying anything for my son. I mean don't get me wrong, I have been looking at mothercare.com and kiddiecare.com for the past 4 months! I know exactly which cotbed I want for my son. :)

During the early stages of my pregnancy, I got very ill with extreme morning sickness. I remember my mother-in-law calling round to see how I was doing (bringing some goodies with her... my favourite Macademia nuts amongst them) and she was beaming with excitement when she casually asked if she can take me to the baby shops when I've passed my 6 month-mark. I felt absolutely beholden for having such loving in-laws.
When James told me he is ready to have children one of the main reasons he gave me was that because he wants his child to spend as many years with his parents as possible before they got too old. James was close to both sets of grandparents that he had, but he said he wished he could have spent more time with them. You can just imagine how my heart melted upon hearing that from an unemotional bloke like my husband.

As I've mentioned in my previous post, we all agreed that we won't be buying any baby stuff until I'm well on my 24th week. Or so I thought. It started with one piece at a time and yesterday whilst I was out for a 2-hour drive, mum popped in with 3 bags of baby clothes and shoes! James also went and buy a couple of onesies for our son when he went to town for his haircut. Even the nice couple we used to live next-door to gave us a little teddy for the baby. That makes me feel just a wee bit guilty for not buying anything for my son yet. That, or I'm waiting until people are done buying him stuff and IF he still needs anything after that then I will start buying. I'm joking...I think. :D

Kidding aside, I am actually prioritising the nursery. Originally, we wanted to give the second biggest bedroom to our child (naturally) but decided against it after much careful consideration. First of, the carpet in the second bedroom is quite new and is in very good condition, same goes for the embossed wallpaper. It will be a big waste to rip the room apart to turn into a nursery. Second of all the huge wardrobe in there is way too much for a baby. So for those reasons I've decided that we are going to transform the third bedroom into a nursery and the second bedroom will be our guest room instead. Yesterday we had a look at carpets and got some samples. We shall go to more carpet places in the next few days to get the ball rolling because I reckon we might have nursery furnitures before we even get this nursery carpeted :) xXx

It's the little things for our little one.

I imagine you're going to be spoiled rotten by first time grandparents on the Allen side of the family.

Even though we all agreed not to buy you anything until I am past my second trimester, my in-laws could not help but bring you a little something every time they call around. I hope you feel their love through me because I certainly feel their love for you!

Your HEART beats inside of ME.

The NHS doesn't recommend having a foetal doppler to use at home because it may cause a panic to pregnant women if they don't find the baby's heartbeat. Also, I read an article about a woman who used a foetal doppler when she was 36 weeks along. She said that she stopped feeling the baby move so she got a foetal doppler and was able to pick up a heartbeat which set her mind at ease and even after 4 days of not feeling the baby move she still hasn't gone to see her midwife. Shortly after that weekend, she lost the baby and it turned out she picked up her own heartbeat using the foetal monitor. This is why I opted for the digital foetal doppler so I can see the BPM reflected in the little screen, although the baby's heartbeat is so distinct that I don't really understand why anyone would mistaken their own heartbeat to that of an unborn baby's.

James was very sceptical about getting the foetal heart monitor but he gave in to my wish anyway. He had one condition though: that I will not depend on it completely and still listen to what my body says. Also he told me not to prod my tummy too much because it might 'hurt' the baby.

I've had this foetal doppler since my 10th week of pregnancy and I have never had to use it because I worry about the baby or anything like that. Although I do worry everyday about the baby and in fact everytime I wake up, either in the middle of the night (to wee!) or in the morning I always have to check if my tummy is still big. It's silly I know, but I have this fear of waking up one morning to discover my bump is gone! I only use the doppler to hear my baby's heartbeat because it's therapeutic and I have to say, reassuring.

Here is a short video clip of me using the heartbeat monitor with a little help from dad-to-be.

You and your dad already make a great team!

Dear Son,

I'm sorry I've been cheeky and had a cup of brew today.
I had to have it before your dad gets home because he has forbidden me to drink coffee.
You and daddy make a great team for keeping mummy healthy.
Your dad says mum should not put rubbish in her tummy
Because that is where you reside at the moment.
I promise to buy decaffeinated coffee this afty.

Love,
Mum xXx

Because you eat whatever mum eats, dad has practically banned:
fastfood rubbish, crisps, pop or any energy drinks, coffee, sweets.
He buys loads of fresh fruits and vegetables for you and mummy.
Thank God I do not drink nor smoke.But even if I did, I would give them up in a heartbeat to make sure you stay healthy in my pouch.
Dad has approximately 3.5 months to boss mum around and you too, wean.
You boys might outnumber me in this house but mummy shall reign supreme. :)

Mummy might be carrying you but remember, Daddy is carrying mummy.

When I said my son already comes first, I mean he comes before ME and everybody else but...

daddy will always come FIRST.

I always believe that parents never really cease being a parent to their children. Long after the kids have left their parents' nest, mothers and fathers remain exactly that to them - ever so worried and ever so nurturing. I think that a lot of couples forget to put each other first especially when they have children. Of course it is absolutely fine to think about the kids and their future but remember that before the children were here, there was you and your partner. Sometimes couples get too comfortable with each other and they get so caught up thinking about their children that they stop being lovers and just become friends. I don't want to be just friends with my husband. I plan to be the same woman he met 6 years ago, if a little grown up and seasoned with time. I remember watching a funny film a couple of years ago. The movie itself was pretty rubbish but I like the whole message of the movie. It's about a couple who have been so busy with their kids and their career that they forgot to make time for each other. So to try and fix things, they agreed to have one night in a week that is specially for the two of them. That's exactly what I plan to do. We don't have to plan expensive dinner at our favourite Italian. We don't have to go to the pub and spend silly quid on alcohol. We don't even have to get out of the house. God gave me a gift in the kitchen so I can just cook a special meal once a week, or we can go to the cinema or even watch some DVDs and have a cozy night in.
Don't get me wrong, though. There will NEVER be any sort of competition between James and our son. When I say I will put my husband first, I don't only mean before my son, but before anything and anybody else. Without a shadow of a doubt, he will do the same for me. And together we will put our son's happiness before our own.

Don't forget your 5 a day!

YOU already come first, mi hijo.


I have never eaten so many bananas and apples in my whole entire life! I snack on fruits a lot and given up my crisps addiction since finding out I'm pregnant. But the weight just seem to keep piling on. When I was younger I thought that pregnant women only gained a big solid bump but obviously that is not the case. Everything gets bigger! I have had to buy new bras twice already and now, apparently I should be wearing 36DD!!! That is something considering I only measured a 34B pre-pregnancy. And my arse is the size of Britain now... And I'm not joking!
I had to buy bigger clothes eight weeks into pregnancy because there was no chance my size 4(UK) clothes was going to fit me. I now wear maternity size 6 and normal size 8. I started showing at 10 weeks and i'm afraid there was no hiding it. When I was 10 weeks pregnant, I went to a family get-together and nobody knew the good news yet. Needless to say everybody caught on the minute I entered the restaurant. It was quite funny when James' cousin's wife whispered to mum asking if I'm pregnant. Imagine how awkward it would have been if they congratulated me and found out that I wasn't pregnant. So they played it safe and asked mum and dad first just in case it's just my wobbly bits and not baby bits.

My pre-pregnancy weight was 6 stone and 10lbs. That's about 94lbs/43kg. I'm now on my 22nd week and I weigh 58kg! That is an astonishing weight gain of 15kg over 5 months. But if I just sit here and look at numbers then I would have completely miss the more important health change that has happened over the course of 22 weeks of my pregnancy.

My pre-pregnancy BMI was just a little below 17, that is considered underweight. I was also hypotensive which worried many doctors here before. I remember sometime last year, this doctor wanted to admit me overnight because she was really worried about my blood pressure that would not go up even after being on drip for 2 hours. It stayed stubbornly at 60/55. At my 20-week scan my BP was 90/58. It's still pretty low but better than it was previously. My baby could have saved my life - in many ways. So I have stopped looking at numbers for as long as I'm eating healthily then I should not feel guilty. I can lose the pregnancy weight after I give birth. yes, I plan on getting back in shape as soon as I am able to. And I will stay healthy even after giving birth because my son is going to need a healthy mum, and that is exactly what he is going to get. :)

For more info on your 5-a-day, CLICK HERE

Not Everything is Bright and Rosy

I wish pregnancy came with a user manual. If they advertise for pregnancy it will come with a million small print.

In movies, particularly rom-coms, they don't really say how hard being pregnant is. None of my girlfriends who have become mothers years before me told me about the not-so-good side of pregnancy. Sure they told me giving birth is one of the most painful experience they have ever had to go through. Sure they told me that since having their baby, they became restricted and many have suffered sleep depravity. But not a single one told me of the "ugly" side of pregnancy. In many pregnancy books I've read they don't really elaborate on it either.

I think that women should know that pregnancy is not all bright and rosy. If you are one of the lucky ones you might not suffer from morning sickness but if you are like me, then you definitely deserve to know that you can get through it.
A few months ago I read an article on the local newspaper about this lady who had her pregnancy terminated at 12 weeks because she was just too ill to carry on. It was going to be her second child. Her health suffered so much that she had to have her second pregnancy terminated.
Fortunately I wasn't as bad as her but perhaps it was because I had someone who carried me through my first 14 weeks that turned out to be an absolute nightmare.

I never thought being pregnant could be so hard. But with my family (not many of them here in England) I was able to get through the horrible first trimester.

The "ugly" truth and how I got through them:

• Constipation - I read that this is common amongst many pregnant women. To combat it, I ate a lot of dried Prunes. Aside from it being rich in Vitamin A it really helped solve this problem. NB* Vitamin A sourced from animal products is potent to pregnant women if taken in high dosage and can cause birth defects, but VitA from fruits and vegetables are completely safe and is very good for pregnancy. (www.nhs.uk)
• Sinusitis - I had a big battle with clogged sinus but I find that eating citrus fruits made a huge difference to unclog my nasal passages. If you can be bothered with steaming your face then that works a great deal too. Pour warm water in a large basin and squeeze a lemon over the water, make sure it's not too hot. Stand directly over the steam and drape a small towel over your head for keeping the steam from escaping. This is actually great for clearing your pores but it is just as good for clearing your sinus.
• Bloating - Another unpleasant thing about pregnancy is bloating. I don't think this can be avoided especially for the first trimester I had really bad bloating. I found that not drinking with your meal helped a lot. I used to drink at least 2 pints of water with my meals but when I got pregnant that made me bloat so much that I had to try and avoid drinking AT ALL with my meal. What I did was drink AFTER my meal and drink loads of water throughout the day. Eating several small meals is better than having 1-2 large meals as well.
• Gas - I read that healthy foods can actually cause flatulence so I didn't bother with a food diary to determine the culprit of my unwanted and unpleasant gas problems in the first trimester. What I did is do Pilates because I found that it relieves you of gas pain. My husband bought me a DVD of antenatal pilates a week after I found out I was pregnant and I find it a great help to relieve me of gas pain and back pain as well.

• Back pain - is even worse in the second trimester and I believe it will get worse in the third. Pilates is your best bet. If you prefer yoga, that should work too. Or if you can't be bothered with either, just don't lay on your back. In fact I was told that I should try and sleep on my left side because that helps with circulation. On my 8th week of pregnancy, James got me a Mum E Pillow (google it!) which helped me sleep better at night.

PILATES is not only good to relieve back pain, it also strengthens the core muscles that will absolutely help through the demands of labour and delivery. My midwife suggested yoga but I chose Pilates since they are very similar. I find that Pilates is more a physical strengthening and Yoga more of a mental strengthening.
I'm sure I will encounter more things to deal with as I go along but if I got past my first 14 weeks I will get past anything. And I mean ANYTHING!

There may be a lot of unpleasant things about pregnancy but one thing is for sure: the pros override the cons. When I felt the first flutter of my baby inside me, I felt something so incredible! It really is something else. I can't wait for my son's father to feel him kick through my stomach. I can't wait to see the thrilled look on his face when that time comes. It is going to be a very special moment indeed.

It's a BOY!

God truly works in wonderful and mysterious ways.

Now I truly understand what they say: that you never really understand how your mother loves you until you have a child of your own. But now I do and my child hasn't even been born yet. The bond between mother and child begins on the very first day she finds out she is pregnant. That very minute when everything changes for her and she feels ultimate strength that was not there before and a splash of unknown courage knowing she is never alone. I have to say it's one of the best feelings in the world.

I was just thinking how under rated the husbands of the world are. You hear a lot about a mother's sacrifice but not so much about the father's. My husband deserves just as much credit as I do. I know at times he feels helpless but I've never really seen this side of him.
I remember on my 8th week of pregnancy he was already searching for baby names and looking at cotbeds on kiddiecare.com and mothercare.com! He was bursting with excitement which he had to conceal to be considerate seeing as I can barely get my arse out of bed. But as soon as I bounced back to my normal self, on the 16th week to be precise, he let it all go and I was just so pleased to see my Significant Other so happy as a clam. They say that a man is at his sweetest and most thoughtful when he is pursuing the girl of his dreams, but I beg to disagree. Apparently mine is at his sweetest and most thoughtful when he is about to become a father!

The desire to find out our baby's gender is, is really just so we can determine what colour of paint to buy for our nursery. The most important part of the 20-week scan is making sure that our little one's organs and bone structure are forming well and his tiny heart is beating strong for mummy and daddy. All I really ask and expect of my child is that he keeps breathing and keep that wee heart beating - even after he is born. Five minutes into being told we are having a boy, my husband and my mother-in-law were at the waiting area of the hospital talking baby names. They had a hundred and one name suggestions in 2 minutes! At that point I just felt so lucky that so many people already love my unborn child. Mommy must have done something right in her life to receive the most important gift of all - the gift of LOVE, in its many splendid forms.

The Very First Steps

Everything at Once

The whole concept of being a parent has always been a strange land to me and it's a place that I've always been unsure I wanted to be. To many people having children completes a home, completes a family. I know a lot of people who got married because the girl unexpectedly got knocked up and in the Philippines it is almost mandatory to get married if this is the case. I have nothing against this although I wouldn't particularly want to be in that kind of situation. I realised as I got older the reason behind this - I didn't particularly wish to be a mother. Let me just make one thing clear, I have nothing against children. The fact of the matter is I love children. They are the most fun and genuine people you will ever meet! I just did not want any of my own.

I suppose only time can really tell what you really want in your life. In my case it's my husband that changed my outloook in life and the what, the who and the where I want to be in the future. He was only 18 when we got married and I was 21 so having children wasin neither of our priorities. In fact we didn't talk about it once in the whole 5 years that we were married. We were just content enjoying each other's company and to be honest we were too busy growing up - as individuals and as a couple.

Until one day out of nowhere he told me he saw a little boy at a bus stop and it came to him that he is ready to have kids. I remember smiling not because I agree but because I was seeing a whole different side of my husband. He was growing up in front of my very eyes! I wasn't sure if he was just on a high after being offered a promotion at work.
A few months after that incident, James, our Golden Retriever Taz and I went for a hike with my mother-in-law and she revealed to us what would be the best thing I've heard in my life, after my husband's proposal of course. They are going to give James a portion of his inheritance to help us get into the property ladder before the house prices shoots up again. Soon after that we started searching and going to many house viewings. We were in no rush though, we wanted to find our perfect family home.

DECEMBER 2010
One night that winter I decided to stash what remained of my pill back to its box and buried it in my dresser drawer. (I had my Implanon taken out just 8 months after having it put in since it was giving me problems with my appetite and mood, so I went back on the pill since shots were completely out of the question for me)
I had one condition in my head if I was going to have a child. I have got to have something to give to the child to help him or her with the future. I know that if I die giving birth the child will be loved by my family - both the ones I have here in England and in the Philippines. He will have a father that will not abandon him and a dog that will keep him company. And if anything happens to me or James, God forbid, our child will have the house. But my ultimate reason for finally embracing the idea of being a parent is James! He has sacrificed a lot and he works ever so hard and never once complained about anything. He never really ask me for anything - but cakes and nice meals in :) - and I just knew he's going to be a great father.

January-February 2011
A new year and our 5th wedding anniversary came and along with it high hopes for a most exciting future. We found a great house and put in an offer which was rejected because apparently there was another couple who was bidding against us. Thankfully the other couple had to sell their own house first before they can buy and as first-time buyers, we have a huge advantage that proved to be massive indeed. They accepted our third offer and from there we got into the nitty gritty of things which seemed to take forever.
In the meantime Aunt Flow seemed to have forgotten to visit me at the end of the the month. I immediately got an early pregnancy test but got a negative result so I thought it's only the first month. But a week passed and still no sign of Aunt Flow so I got two more tests and still negative. My period has always been regular so I didn't understand why it hasn't come 2 weeks later. Alas a few days later I started feeling very sick so I got another test and it came back with a positive result.

March 2011
I am going to be honest I didn't really have time to celebrate the good news because my health went downhill from there on. I was throwing up all day and night. I could not keep my food down and all the foods that I used to love suddenly tasted bile to me - including KFC would you believe? I could barely get out of bed. I had a terrible sinusitis that never left me for the whole first trimester. I felt fatigue like I have never known it before. I felt hungry every 3 hours and would get awoken by the rumbling of my tummy in the middle of the night as if I don't wake up enough to go to the loo anyway. I don't know how I managed to get dressed for our first appointment with the midwife but somehow I did and I was told my EDD is 1.11.11
I felt worse the following week and I just knew something was wrong but couldn't exactly point a finger to it. A couple of days after my visit to the midwife I got a call from the GP and was told that I had contacted E Coli and I need to collect some antibiotics from the surgery. I was assured that it is nothing to worry about and my baby is fine.
I felt a little better after finishing the course of the antibiotics but not really much better. I don't think I would have survived that if James had not been a total sweetheart and looked after me like a baby. He did all the house chores and brought me home food and lots of fresh fruits every day. I think he kind of like the fact that for once he was able to sort of boss me around because normally he wouldn't dare.

first baby scan at 11 weeks


April 2011
My mother-in-law was very happy to let me know that she had found me a job at the castle cafeteria where she does wedding events as a part-time job. I felt really disappointed to hear a what would have been a great news had the circumstance been different. But what am I talking about? I had something bigger and obviously that job wasn't meant for me. God has bigger plans for me.
I didn't want to tell anybody until I'm on my second trimester but we had to let my in-laws know as the last thing I want them to think is I'm refusing a nice job with the English Heritage. To my surprise and James', his parents, especially his mother, was so chuffed to hear the news. She was so pleased and she expressed her excitement in texts, phone calls and calling round to bring me a cardi and my favourite Sainsbury's macademia and cashews nuts!

Fast forward to June 2011
We invited them for a barbi in our new house, 2 weeks after we moved in, for a little Father's Day lunch. I made dad a huge Black Forest Gateaux which he loved and we had a lovely day.
That same day, mum brought baby towels and apologised for not being able to help herself. She said she went to buy something completely different and saw the baby towels and bought them and forgot what she was there to buy in the first place. I felt really touched that already she is thinking about the baby. I feel really blessed that I will be giving at least 4 people the chance to feel happiness in its purest form and their excitement and love fuels my desire to live and eat healthy for my baby.
Two weeks later, I was due for my 20-week scan. We picked strawberries that morning with mum and we asked her if she could drop us off at the hospital. Coyly she asked if she can stay through the scan, "if you don't mind" I remember her saying (of course don't mind!) because I think she was excited to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. She had previously told me it doesn't matter what the baby's gender is as long as it's healthy but she would like a boy.
Ten minutes into the scan, after the important checks of the baby's vital organs, I asked the sonographer if she is able to tell me the gender of my baby. I remember the three of us - me, the sonographer and James - laughing because at that point the baby kept covering its privates with its tiny hands! I had to roll to my side to get the baby to move its hands away.




2o week scan

I never thought it was possible to love someone so much before you even see or hold them!

"Everything At Once"
by Lenka

As sly as a fox, as strong as an ox
As fast as a hare, as brave as a bear
As free as a bird, as neat as a word
As quite as a mouse, as big as a house

All I wanna be, all I wanna be, oh
All I wanna be is everything

As mean as a wolf, as sharp as a tooth
As deep as a bite, as dark as the night
As sweet as a song, as right as a wrong
As long as a road, as ugly as a toad

As pretty as a picture hanging from a fixture
Strong like a family, strong as I wanna be
Bright as day, as light as play
As hard as nails, as grand as a whale

All I wanna be, all I wanna be, oh
All I wanna be is everything

As warm as the, the sun, as silly as fun
As cool as a tree, as scary as the sea
As hot as fire, cold as ice
Sweet as sugar and everything nice

As old as time, as straight as a line
As royal as a queen, as buzzed as a bee
Stealth as a tiger, smooth as a glide
Pure as a melody, pure as I wanna be

All I wanna be, all I wanna be, oh
All I wanna be is everything