Your First Easter

Today we went to attend Sunday mass together as a family for the first time. I was not well enough to get out of the house on Christmas Eve so I didn't get to take you then. I was quite surprised at how well behaved you are. I had to stand at the back fifteen minutes into the service because you don't like being rocked sat down and you were about ready for your morning nap. As I rocked you to the land of nod, you stared at an image of The Sacred Heart on the wall and started babbling at it, so loud that you attracted a few glances and smiles. Ten minutes later you fell fast asleep and woke up just in time to light a candle with me and daddy after the mass. I can't wait to get you baptised and our local catholic church didn't look like a bad church to be baptised in.

It's going to be a real challenge bringing you up to be a Catholic boy in a non-Catholic country around Atheist extended family but if I am half successful then it is every bit worth it. My faith has silently, but very strongly, carried me through all kinds of trials, each time allowing me to emerge stronger than ever. I want you to have some kind of Faith and you will never be truly alone. Happy Easter my son.

Night night :)

Fully recovered from post immunisation fever, yay!

Weaning

Dear Son,

Today you finished a full (freezer) pot of puréed banana! You're only five months old so all I'm really doing is introducing food a wee bit at a time. I didn't think you were going to eat it all. I half expected you to throw up some of it but you didn't. Needless to say that replaced your 3pm feed. I'm so pleased that you are making weaning very easy for me. You are such a beautiful little boy and I hope I can collate a lot of healthy recipes for you to try when you're over six months old. I plan to make your meals sugar and salt free but don't worry I'll treat you to the occasional fairy cakes. :) I love you.

Mum

Post-immunisation blues

Yesterday you had your third lot of routine immunisations and unlike the first couple of times, you got very ill this time around. Your sore gums caused by teething isn't exactly making things easier. I've been trying to keep your temperature down and I have nursed you like 8 times in the last 12 hours. It always comforts you being nursed.

It's hard to see you feeling so poorly because I have been spoiled with your good morning smiles and loud squeals and giggles throughout the day. Today I realised even more how much happiness you bring into my life.

I hope and pray that you will feel a lot better tomorrow. I want my big bouncy bubba back :)

My First Mother's Day

What I See in You

Being a mother is more challenging than I ever imagined but it is also more rewarding than I thought possible. Before my son came into my life I never really looked that far into the future. I took it one day at a time. But when Scott was born I find myself worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month and even 50 years into the future. Albeit not for myself but for this little man who greets me with a smile every waking morning - the magic smile that makes all the exhaustion from the night before go away. That magic smile that makes all the lack of sleep, lack of personal space and time for myself seem very shallow to complain about.I admit that I didn't find it easy - not at all. Even without the difficulty of my pregnancy, labour and post-surgery complications I still would have found being a mum a real toughy. The absence of my family made a huge impact and nearly pushed me off the edge at one point. But now, that all seems like a thing of the ancient past.

My son makes every day exciting as he learns new things every day. I am absolutely smitten by this little man and my husband often catches me staring at Scott with a smile on my face that he calls "eyes full of love".

I am surprised at how much he is changing day by day. The other day I looked at his photos from when he was a mere 10-day-old baby and noticed his cheeks had quite a few infant freckles. And when he turned a month old his cradle cap was really bad. Of course I was completely aware of those things - heck, I stare at him all day! What made me smile is that at the time of taking the photos I didn't really see how severe the freckles were that they made his cheeks looked so red and dry and his cradle cap was so bad that he lost all of his newborn hair because of it. When I took those photos all I can see was the little boy who changed my life so much and who made me want to become a much better person. Through the lens of my camera, all I can really see is an angel who was sent to me to learn the important things in life that I have refused to learn growing up. When I look at Scott all I can see is my very own flesh and blood who taught me that being a grown up is not such a bad thing at all.

And in spite of all his flaws and imperfections, those that the camera can capture and those that are invisible to the naked eye, I know that no one can ever change the way I see my son.

Piccies!

Getting ready to wean!

Because the health visitor informed us that you have are teething early it will soon be time to wean you. But we will hold out until you are 6 months because right now you are getting enough nutrients from my breast milk and aptamil hungry milk :)

19 weeks!

You decided you were going to sit up unsupported the day you turned exactly 19 weeks!

18 weeks

Health visitor came to see us a few days ago and on your 18th week you measure 66cm and weigh 17.42 lbs!

Motherhood

So I haven't really posted anything on here after the birth of my little boy. I have planned to write every day but to be honest I never expected motherhood to be such a demanding task. I have no complaint whatsoever because my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. When people say that we never really know pure unconditional love until we become a parent I thought it was just a mere cliche. Now I know that it is in fact a major understatement. Becoming a mother has made it easy for me to want to be a better and stronger person for my son. I have also started paying more attention to the world - from the little things like the kind of people that I encounter in public places to the British economy state. All the things that will or may affect my child in one way or another, be it big or small suddenly matters to me. Becoming a mother is a million different things to me but at the end of the day the gratitude that I have for my little miracle is what gives my life its meaning.

After my 3-day labour and battle with iron deficiency afterward I can now say that it is all worth it. I did not get to hear my son's first cry because my body was resistant to the epidural so they could not perform caesarean section with me fully conscious like what i would have preferred but the important thing is my son is all right. You see that is another thing about being a mum. I used to be a perfectionist and want everything to go according to plan but now as long as I know that at the end of the day everything and everybody is safe and well I am a happy bunny.

Another thing I discovered about myself is I could actually be patient. Whereas prior to becoming a mother patience was in short supply, if not non-existent, I find myself being a lot more patient now. Of course it truly helps that my son is always smiling and giggling and cooing and ahh-ing at me when my back and arms start to get sore from holding him all day. Yes he has always been a clingy and needy baby from the start but I have actually learned to appreciate that now because I know that when he grows up he might not want to be hugged by poor old mummy so I have decided to make the most of it.

I am writing this from my phone and I just got a low batt warning so I better publish this before it dies on me. Hopefully now that my son has a sleep routine at night I will have a bit of extra time to blog.

PS - this predictive texting has changed a lot of the words I typed in so if I missed correcting some forgive me! This programmed dictionary thinks he knows better than me haha

Winter Sunshine

I took my son to sit out in the garden today to enjoy the glorious sunshine for no more than 15 minutes and now his little cheeks are burned... I know his skin is a lot fairer than mine but I didn't think 15 minutes was long enough for him to get sunburn. I guess I should look at getting him some Baby SPF.

You are fast asleep at last.  You have a bit of a fever I'm guessing from the immunisations.  You woke up squealing a little while ago which woke your dad sleeping next to you.  You normally sleep on my chest or across my tummy but tonight you chose to sleep on your left side  with your body on my thighs and your head resting on my right arm so yes, tonight I actually get to type albeit with one hand.

You are too young yet for any fever meds so hopefully tomorrow your temperature will be down and you won't have any complication or allergic reaction from the jabs.  I chose not to pull the quilt over me even though I am only wearing a vest so that should help keep your temperature down.
My doctor told me today that she had it in her head that I am a nurse.  Actually quite a lot of  people have asked me if I were a nurse  - my driving instructor, midwife, health visitor and 2 doctors.  I never wanted to be a nurse but today I kind of wish I were just so I can look after you better.  And I'm sure I would wish I were a doctor too, and a teacher, and a footie coach, and a clown, and a magician... the list goes on.

Vaccinations

Today you had your 8-week general checkup and your first lot of vaccinations.  Everything is looking good and the doctor was quite pleased with you general health and well-being.  You were so well behaved and content even when you were stripped down to your nappy.  You even cooed to Dr Wenham when she was feeling your abdomen for any abnormalities.  But you weren't so keen on seeing the Practice Nurse. Your dad held you during thr very unpleasant event and as the first needle jabbed into your thigh you squealed so loud I stood up from my seat and rushed to you - about 2 baby steps away! It really broke my heart to hear and see you in pain.  The very second she was done with the second jab, I snatched you from daddy's arms and into mine.  It didn't take you long to calm down and fall asleep as we popped you back in the carrier.  We have two prams and a buggie but I prefer to carry you next to me like this.

 

 

 

 

 

This is us on our way to the GP for your general checkup and first lot of vaccinations.  Also for my postnatal check.

Back home from the Surgery.

Special Times with My Little Man

My Mother Did This For Me Once.

Dati, ang sabi ko handa ako na mamatay para sa'yo.  Pero nag-iba na ang isip ko kasabay ng pag-iiba ng pananaw ko sa mundo.  Hindi ko pala dapat sinabi iyon sa'yo dahil mas tama pala na sabihin na handa ako na ipaglaban ang buhay ko alang-alang sa'yo.  Ang regalo na ibinigay mo saakin may bente siete anyos na ang nakalilipas.  Nasilayan ko ang mundo at nakabuo ako ng mga pangarap dahil hindi mo ipinagdamot saakin ang oportunidad na ikaw lamang ang tanging makapagbibigay saakin.  Totoo, ikaw ay naging kasangkapan lamang ng Diyos, ngunit sa huli ay ikaw pa rin ang may hawak ng huling desisyon.  Hindi mo ipinagdamot saakin ang regalo na ito kahit mag-isa ka lamang na haharap sa bukas na walang katiyakan.  Salamat, aking Ina.  Salamat sa buhay na hindi mo ipinagkait saakin. Mahal na kita noon pa man, pero mas mahal pa kita ngayon.  Sa tuwing pagmamasdan ko ang aking anak, nadarama ko ang mga sakripisyo mo para saakin.  Hindi man naging perpekto ang mga taon na tayo ay magkasama, naiintindihan ko na ngayon kung bakit gayun na lamang ang paghihigpit mo saakin. Nasaksihan ko ang pagsuko mo nang ako ay tumungtong na sa tamang gulang at pinagpasyahan mo na ibigay na lamang ang tiwala saakin at tanggapin na ginawa mo na ang iyong makakaya upang harapin ko ang mundo.  Ngunit sa kabila nito, hindi ka pa rin nawala sa aking tabi. Mahabang panahon pa bago ko gawin ang desisyon na ito  ngunit ngayon pa lang ay natatakot na ako.  Sana ay mas inintindi kita noon. Ito ang mga naglalaro sa isip ko sa mga gabing hawak ko ang aking anak na mahimbing na natutulog sa aking dibdib.  Sa mga araw na ginagawa kong gabi at gabi na ginagawa kong araw.  Sa mga araw na sobrang pagod at sobrang puyat ang pinipilit kong labanan.  At sa mga araw at gabi pa na darating na kailangan kong mag-sakripisyo at mag-isip hindi lamang para saaking sarili kung hindi mas para saaking anak, ikaw ang lagi kong iisipin.  Sa maraming beses na kakailanganin kong bumangon sa alanganing oras dahil sa iyak ng anak ko, at sa maraming pagkakataon na ayokong mapapikit man lamang dahil natatakot ako na huminto ang paghinga n'ya ng hindi ko namamalayan, ikaw pa rin ang iisipin ko. Lalo na sa mga pagkakataong darating na magkaroon na ng sarili n'yang isip at opinyon ang anak ko, at pilit ko s'yang iintindihin, ikaw pa rin ang maiisip ko.  Dahil minsan sa ating buhay, ginawa mo rin ang mga ito para saakin. xXx