What I See in You

Being a mother is more challenging than I ever imagined but it is also more rewarding than I thought possible. Before my son came into my life I never really looked that far into the future. I took it one day at a time. But when Scott was born I find myself worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month and even 50 years into the future. Albeit not for myself but for this little man who greets me with a smile every waking morning - the magic smile that makes all the exhaustion from the night before go away. That magic smile that makes all the lack of sleep, lack of personal space and time for myself seem very shallow to complain about.I admit that I didn't find it easy - not at all. Even without the difficulty of my pregnancy, labour and post-surgery complications I still would have found being a mum a real toughy. The absence of my family made a huge impact and nearly pushed me off the edge at one point. But now, that all seems like a thing of the ancient past.

My son makes every day exciting as he learns new things every day. I am absolutely smitten by this little man and my husband often catches me staring at Scott with a smile on my face that he calls "eyes full of love".

I am surprised at how much he is changing day by day. The other day I looked at his photos from when he was a mere 10-day-old baby and noticed his cheeks had quite a few infant freckles. And when he turned a month old his cradle cap was really bad. Of course I was completely aware of those things - heck, I stare at him all day! What made me smile is that at the time of taking the photos I didn't really see how severe the freckles were that they made his cheeks looked so red and dry and his cradle cap was so bad that he lost all of his newborn hair because of it. When I took those photos all I can see was the little boy who changed my life so much and who made me want to become a much better person. Through the lens of my camera, all I can really see is an angel who was sent to me to learn the important things in life that I have refused to learn growing up. When I look at Scott all I can see is my very own flesh and blood who taught me that being a grown up is not such a bad thing at all.

And in spite of all his flaws and imperfections, those that the camera can capture and those that are invisible to the naked eye, I know that no one can ever change the way I see my son.