19 weeks!

You decided you were going to sit up unsupported the day you turned exactly 19 weeks!

18 weeks

Health visitor came to see us a few days ago and on your 18th week you measure 66cm and weigh 17.42 lbs!

Motherhood

So I haven't really posted anything on here after the birth of my little boy. I have planned to write every day but to be honest I never expected motherhood to be such a demanding task. I have no complaint whatsoever because my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. When people say that we never really know pure unconditional love until we become a parent I thought it was just a mere cliche. Now I know that it is in fact a major understatement. Becoming a mother has made it easy for me to want to be a better and stronger person for my son. I have also started paying more attention to the world - from the little things like the kind of people that I encounter in public places to the British economy state. All the things that will or may affect my child in one way or another, be it big or small suddenly matters to me. Becoming a mother is a million different things to me but at the end of the day the gratitude that I have for my little miracle is what gives my life its meaning.

After my 3-day labour and battle with iron deficiency afterward I can now say that it is all worth it. I did not get to hear my son's first cry because my body was resistant to the epidural so they could not perform caesarean section with me fully conscious like what i would have preferred but the important thing is my son is all right. You see that is another thing about being a mum. I used to be a perfectionist and want everything to go according to plan but now as long as I know that at the end of the day everything and everybody is safe and well I am a happy bunny.

Another thing I discovered about myself is I could actually be patient. Whereas prior to becoming a mother patience was in short supply, if not non-existent, I find myself being a lot more patient now. Of course it truly helps that my son is always smiling and giggling and cooing and ahh-ing at me when my back and arms start to get sore from holding him all day. Yes he has always been a clingy and needy baby from the start but I have actually learned to appreciate that now because I know that when he grows up he might not want to be hugged by poor old mummy so I have decided to make the most of it.

I am writing this from my phone and I just got a low batt warning so I better publish this before it dies on me. Hopefully now that my son has a sleep routine at night I will have a bit of extra time to blog.

PS - this predictive texting has changed a lot of the words I typed in so if I missed correcting some forgive me! This programmed dictionary thinks he knows better than me haha

Winter Sunshine

I took my son to sit out in the garden today to enjoy the glorious sunshine for no more than 15 minutes and now his little cheeks are burned... I know his skin is a lot fairer than mine but I didn't think 15 minutes was long enough for him to get sunburn. I guess I should look at getting him some Baby SPF.

You are fast asleep at last.  You have a bit of a fever I'm guessing from the immunisations.  You woke up squealing a little while ago which woke your dad sleeping next to you.  You normally sleep on my chest or across my tummy but tonight you chose to sleep on your left side  with your body on my thighs and your head resting on my right arm so yes, tonight I actually get to type albeit with one hand.

You are too young yet for any fever meds so hopefully tomorrow your temperature will be down and you won't have any complication or allergic reaction from the jabs.  I chose not to pull the quilt over me even though I am only wearing a vest so that should help keep your temperature down.
My doctor told me today that she had it in her head that I am a nurse.  Actually quite a lot of  people have asked me if I were a nurse  - my driving instructor, midwife, health visitor and 2 doctors.  I never wanted to be a nurse but today I kind of wish I were just so I can look after you better.  And I'm sure I would wish I were a doctor too, and a teacher, and a footie coach, and a clown, and a magician... the list goes on.

Vaccinations

Today you had your 8-week general checkup and your first lot of vaccinations.  Everything is looking good and the doctor was quite pleased with you general health and well-being.  You were so well behaved and content even when you were stripped down to your nappy.  You even cooed to Dr Wenham when she was feeling your abdomen for any abnormalities.  But you weren't so keen on seeing the Practice Nurse. Your dad held you during thr very unpleasant event and as the first needle jabbed into your thigh you squealed so loud I stood up from my seat and rushed to you - about 2 baby steps away! It really broke my heart to hear and see you in pain.  The very second she was done with the second jab, I snatched you from daddy's arms and into mine.  It didn't take you long to calm down and fall asleep as we popped you back in the carrier.  We have two prams and a buggie but I prefer to carry you next to me like this.

 

 

 

 

 

This is us on our way to the GP for your general checkup and first lot of vaccinations.  Also for my postnatal check.

Back home from the Surgery.

Special Times with My Little Man

My Mother Did This For Me Once.

Dati, ang sabi ko handa ako na mamatay para sa'yo.  Pero nag-iba na ang isip ko kasabay ng pag-iiba ng pananaw ko sa mundo.  Hindi ko pala dapat sinabi iyon sa'yo dahil mas tama pala na sabihin na handa ako na ipaglaban ang buhay ko alang-alang sa'yo.  Ang regalo na ibinigay mo saakin may bente siete anyos na ang nakalilipas.  Nasilayan ko ang mundo at nakabuo ako ng mga pangarap dahil hindi mo ipinagdamot saakin ang oportunidad na ikaw lamang ang tanging makapagbibigay saakin.  Totoo, ikaw ay naging kasangkapan lamang ng Diyos, ngunit sa huli ay ikaw pa rin ang may hawak ng huling desisyon.  Hindi mo ipinagdamot saakin ang regalo na ito kahit mag-isa ka lamang na haharap sa bukas na walang katiyakan.  Salamat, aking Ina.  Salamat sa buhay na hindi mo ipinagkait saakin. Mahal na kita noon pa man, pero mas mahal pa kita ngayon.  Sa tuwing pagmamasdan ko ang aking anak, nadarama ko ang mga sakripisyo mo para saakin.  Hindi man naging perpekto ang mga taon na tayo ay magkasama, naiintindihan ko na ngayon kung bakit gayun na lamang ang paghihigpit mo saakin. Nasaksihan ko ang pagsuko mo nang ako ay tumungtong na sa tamang gulang at pinagpasyahan mo na ibigay na lamang ang tiwala saakin at tanggapin na ginawa mo na ang iyong makakaya upang harapin ko ang mundo.  Ngunit sa kabila nito, hindi ka pa rin nawala sa aking tabi. Mahabang panahon pa bago ko gawin ang desisyon na ito  ngunit ngayon pa lang ay natatakot na ako.  Sana ay mas inintindi kita noon. Ito ang mga naglalaro sa isip ko sa mga gabing hawak ko ang aking anak na mahimbing na natutulog sa aking dibdib.  Sa mga araw na ginagawa kong gabi at gabi na ginagawa kong araw.  Sa mga araw na sobrang pagod at sobrang puyat ang pinipilit kong labanan.  At sa mga araw at gabi pa na darating na kailangan kong mag-sakripisyo at mag-isip hindi lamang para saaking sarili kung hindi mas para saaking anak, ikaw ang lagi kong iisipin.  Sa maraming beses na kakailanganin kong bumangon sa alanganing oras dahil sa iyak ng anak ko, at sa maraming pagkakataon na ayokong mapapikit man lamang dahil natatakot ako na huminto ang paghinga n'ya ng hindi ko namamalayan, ikaw pa rin ang iisipin ko. Lalo na sa mga pagkakataong darating na magkaroon na ng sarili n'yang isip at opinyon ang anak ko, at pilit ko s'yang iintindihin, ikaw pa rin ang maiisip ko.  Dahil minsan sa ating buhay, ginawa mo rin ang mga ito para saakin. xXx

Your First Christmas!

You Are The Cure

When I am too exhausted and frustrated at trying to figure out what you want and need especially in the wee hours of the morning, I take your mittens off. This is the only time I do this, because I panic when you make yourself bleed by scratching your face even after I have been brave enough to trim your tiny fingernails.

You are clean I have just changed your nappy. I know how you hate having the tiniest bit of poo sitting there for more than twenty minutes.
You are well-fed. You have just finished your 150ml of milk and then some from being latched on me. You are at your calmest when you are feeding straight from my breast.
You are neither too hot nor too cold. I always make sure to test your body temperature by touching your back and your chest and tummy. I also check our room temperature regularly to make sure the temperature is just right. I turn the heating on when it goes lower than 16degrees and I peel the extra fleece blanket off you if it gets any hotter than 20.

I don't mind your being too attached to me because to tell you the truth I wouldn't have it any other way. That is why we got the baby carrier so we can always be close to each other whilst my hands are still free to do some chores and eat because I tend to forget to do anything when I am just kept busy staring at your angelic face when I hold you in my arms. You don't like to be put down - not in your moses basket, not in your baby swing, not in your cot bed.

So forgive me if I sometimes get too exhausted from lack of sleep and bored for not having time to do anything fun for myself because your father is at work all day and a big chunk of the evening.
When I get to the point where I want to scream to the top of my lungs, I take your mitten off.

I lightly press my little finger against your tiny palm and let you wrap your little hand around my little finger. I let you squeeze as hard as you possibly can. For many reasons, this calms me down. It drowns the sound of your cry but most of all it drowns the frustration in my heart. I have been trusted with your precious life and I should not break that trust I was granted by God.

One day I hope you will do the same with my shaking and wrinkly hand.

A Poem I Especially Wrote For You, Son.

I Carried You, You Carry Me.

I carried you in me for quite some time
I told you stories and sang you many songs
I trusted you with secrets no one will ever know
I didn't need to see you to know how I love you so.

I carried your heart with me for quite some time
I realised you somehow knew you carried mine, too
I felt you grow stronger with each passing day I carried you
And I just know that you felt me grow stronger inside, too.

Today fate has decided it's time for us to meet
It's time for you to make our little family complete
You told me how grateful you are for all the months I carried you
With a shrill cry and a healthy heartbeat, you told me you love me too.

I cannot begin to tell you how much you've already taught me
You made me realise how much of a better person I can be
Throughout your life people will tell you to love me
Because I'm the person who was blessed to give you life
But my child, don't listen to a word they say and instead take it from me
Love me because your heart feels it and your mind agrees
and because you, my little fighter, is the one who gave life to me.