Your First Christmas!

You Are The Cure

When I am too exhausted and frustrated at trying to figure out what you want and need especially in the wee hours of the morning, I take your mittens off. This is the only time I do this, because I panic when you make yourself bleed by scratching your face even after I have been brave enough to trim your tiny fingernails.

You are clean I have just changed your nappy. I know how you hate having the tiniest bit of poo sitting there for more than twenty minutes.
You are well-fed. You have just finished your 150ml of milk and then some from being latched on me. You are at your calmest when you are feeding straight from my breast.
You are neither too hot nor too cold. I always make sure to test your body temperature by touching your back and your chest and tummy. I also check our room temperature regularly to make sure the temperature is just right. I turn the heating on when it goes lower than 16degrees and I peel the extra fleece blanket off you if it gets any hotter than 20.

I don't mind your being too attached to me because to tell you the truth I wouldn't have it any other way. That is why we got the baby carrier so we can always be close to each other whilst my hands are still free to do some chores and eat because I tend to forget to do anything when I am just kept busy staring at your angelic face when I hold you in my arms. You don't like to be put down - not in your moses basket, not in your baby swing, not in your cot bed.

So forgive me if I sometimes get too exhausted from lack of sleep and bored for not having time to do anything fun for myself because your father is at work all day and a big chunk of the evening.
When I get to the point where I want to scream to the top of my lungs, I take your mitten off.

I lightly press my little finger against your tiny palm and let you wrap your little hand around my little finger. I let you squeeze as hard as you possibly can. For many reasons, this calms me down. It drowns the sound of your cry but most of all it drowns the frustration in my heart. I have been trusted with your precious life and I should not break that trust I was granted by God.

One day I hope you will do the same with my shaking and wrinkly hand.